Last Updated on February 14, 2024 by Lifevif Team and JC Franco
When you get into a long-term relationship or marriage, chances are that everything in your life becomes about your partner. Turning your loving and charming partner into your best friend may seem tempting, but it’s probably a good idea to think about the potential ramifications before you take that particular plunge.
For some, a best friend spouse, or partner is a dream-come-true; but they are the exception, not the rule. If you’re thinking about crowning your partner as your new best friend, you might need to consider the potential reasons why that might not be the best idea!
Calling your partner your best friend is romantic in a sense, but it’s also loaded and could end up backfiring on you. It’s best to know exactly what may go wrong in a relationship if you put your partner on the “best friend” podium. Let’s take a look at several good reasons why your partner or spouse should not be your best friend.
13 reasons why you should not treat your partner as your best friend:
1. It’s too much pressure for your partner to be “everything” to you.
If you want to take the pressure off of your partner (and yourself), keep your best friend and partner to two separate people. It’s just too much pressure for one person to be everything to you. It is too much pressure and, in certain occasions, it can be unhealthy too. If your partner feels as if he/she must be your “everything” and is solely responsible for your happiness and drive, you might find that your partner starts to get fearful and distant. This is obviously not something that you want.
2. You can’t vent to your partner about your partner.
In any marriage or long-term relationship, fights crop up. You might yell and scream at each other or give each other the cold shoulder. In the heat of the moment or in the thick of an argument, when exactly is there time to get your partner to put on his/her best friend hat and help you to work it out and vent it out? It’s impossible.
You can’t vent to your partner about your partner – and this is why having a best friend who is not your partner is essential to your own mental health (and the mental health of your partner).
3. You will be putting all your eggs in one basket.
You might think that a long-term relationship or marriage should be about putting all of your eggs in one basket, but it shouldn’t be. Understand that when you get married or move in together, you will probably spend the majority of your time with your partner. What happens if the relationship doesn’t work out? Who will you turn to if your best friend is the very same person who is leaving you or breaking up with you?
It’s a good idea to keep friendships and relationships separate so that you don’t unwittingly destroy your own support system.
4. Sometimes your spouse/partner just doesn’t (or can’t) get it.
If you are a girl and you expect your male partner to be able to understand the complexities and pain of a period, you’re going to be really disappointed. And if you are a guy and expect your partner to show just as much enthusiasm for wandering the aisles of the hardware store, you’re in for a surprise.
That is precisely why people need their own best friend that is not their partner because you cannot expect your partner to get it every single time. You get to do your thing and while he/she gets to do hers. You can reunite after your outings feeling satisfied, happy, and ready to share your experiences with each other.
5. Spouses/partners shouldn’t know everything.
You know the last time you struggled to have an orgasm or found yourself struggling with feelings of unattractiveness and just didn’t know how to approach and fix either of these things? Have you recently had a dream about your ex-partner and wonder what it could mean in your life? Chances are that mentioning these things to your partner could cause more upset than it does growth.
If your partner is your best friend, can you really bring these issues up with him or her?
Perhaps having a separate best friend to casually talk these things over with, will bring clarity to the situation without having to upset the person you love. It’s not about keeping secrets…it’s just about making sure that you don’t have to mention every little thing that could cause more harm than good.
6. Objective opinions from an outsider can do wonders for your relationship/marriage.
Having a best friend who is not your partner is great in terms of objective opinion and advice. If you have a disagreement with your partner, your best friend can give you objective advice on the situation and maybe even point out your role (or part to play) in the situation. You are more likely to accept advice and objective opinion from an outsider than you are from your partner with who you are currently disagreeing.
7. Over familiarity is a sex-killer.
There’s nothing sexy about being over-familiar with someone. You already live with your partner (probably) and you know most of their daily comings, goings, and quirks. Do you really want to know what shade of hair color your girlfriend dyes her hair or what brand of oil your husband puts in the car or lawnmower? Knowing absolutely everything about your partner is a passion killer. It really is. Having a best friend who is not your partner allows a certain air of mystery in your relationship and that is vital for long-term attraction.
8. Asking your best friend partner/spouse for relationship advice is awkward and unfair.
Every relationship reaches a bump in the road or some sort of uncertainty. Most people turn to their best friend to discuss the problem or hurdle and get some objective advice. If your partner is your best friend, it’s going to be awkward when you start asking for relationship advice, don’t you think?!
9. Marriage is a level above friendship – don’t downgrade your spouse/partner!
I personally believe that a long-term commitment or marriage is a step above a best friendship. By saying that your partner is your best friend, you are taking away from the true potential and authenticity of your marriage.
10. All partners need time apart.
The concept of having a partner who is a best friend might seem exciting because you get to spend all of your time together. Unfortunately, a relationship or marriage can only thrive if you and your partner spend some time apart. You don’t want your partner out there trolling the bars and pubs alone on these evenings apart, do you? Nope! That’s another good reason why it’s a good idea for your partner to have a healthy best friend as it is someone to spend time with when you are taking healthy time apart from each other.
11. The relationship could become toxic.
Toxic relationships can develop between two people when they start to spend a considerable amount of time together. Because your partner is now your “everything”, there’s room for jealousy, competitiveness, co-dependency, and more.
12. Marriage is forever while friendships are never guaranteed.
When you meet a friend and become close, there’s never a life-long commitment involved. In fact, some best friends go through more ups and downs than a doomed teen relationship. When you get married or get into a long-term relationship, you do it for keeps. You commit yourself to that person forever and you try to stick to that, regardless of how the person may change along the way (that’s the ideal scenario at least).
13. Guys need guys and girls need girls… to bond with.
Although this doesn’t apply to everyone, it does to many.
While you might love spending every minute with your partner or spouse, there’s no denying the fact that you need someone close of the very same sex as you. Guys want to beat their chests, drink beer, talk about cars, and brag their way through a session with the guys. Girls like to haul out the champagne, ooh and ah over the latest episode of the bachelor, and talk about their latest hair products and hobbies with the girls. There’s nothing wrong with either of these things. You can’t expect your partner to play the part of the girls in your life, or the guys for that matter.
To conclude
The above-mentioned problems may not be too off-putting to everyone, but to people who want the best for their future relationships might take them to heart. That doesn’t mean that you should get a divorce, or start the proceedings of a breakup if you have married or got involved with your best friend. It might mean that you just need to incorporate a few new healthy friendships in your life to ease the pressure on your partner and your relationship.
With all this in mind, it is not to say that it definitely will not work if you choose to have a long-term relationship or get married to your best friend. It’s just best to go into such situations completely aware of the possible complications. Either way, there’s only one thing left to say; good luck!
This article was co-authored by our team of in-house and freelance writers, and reviewed by our editors, who share their experiences and knowledge about the "Seven F's of Life".
JC Franco
JC Franco is a New York-based editor for Lifevif. He mainly focuses on content about faith, spirituality, personal growth, finance, and sports. He graduated from Mercyhurst University with a Bachelor’s degree in Business, majoring in Marketing. He is a certified tennis instructor who teaches in the New York City Metropolitan area. In terms of finance, he has passed the Level I exam of the CFA program.